Day 109

Having a bit of a rough afternoon. The morning was fine but things started to go down hill around lunch time. Thinking about lunch, I may also be a hangry. I didn't eat much today so that is probably contributing to my dark mood...

Over the weekend, I put the car we bought for Damian for sale on Facebook. I don't have a Facebook account but Dawn does. Late this morning, I popped into her account to see if any messages had come in about the car. None had, but I did notice a post that caught my eye. It was from someone who is active in with the sailing club; she has a daughter that is a high school junior. We've known this family for 10 years so we've watched each other's kids grow up. 'The post was all about college visits this past weekend. It was obvious from the pictures they had a lot of fun; I could also feel the parental pride coming through the post. Who wouldn't be proud helping their son or daughter find their next place in life? I know I was looking forward to it. That thought is probably what took some of the wind out of my sails as morning turned into the afternoon. 

A little while later, I had this moment where I stopped and asked myself if this all real. Is Damian really gone from my life, in the physical, tactile sense? I so wanted the answer to be no. I could feel my mood darkening further as I realized again the finality of what has happened and the folly of wishing it to be otherwise.  

Later I came up from the basement to check on Dawn. She had gone to lunch with the mom of one of Damian's friends from grade school. Dawn and Nicole have stayed in touch since leaving McGinnis Woods. Nicole shared with Dawn her daughter's interests after high school - Jessica wants to study meteorology - and that they are looking closely at a college in Alabama. In this moment, I realized that I'm going to be hearing a lot more of this for the next two three years as friends of Damian's inch closer to graduation and they make plans for life after high school.

Dawn and I took Damian on two campus visits, both over the Thanksgiving break when we spent the week in St. Augustine. On the Saturday we drove to Florida, we stopped at the University of Florida. They were not doing campus tours that week but we still went to the student union, bought a U of F sweatshirt and then drove around campus for a few minutes. 

 
11/20/2021 – Damian in the U of F bookstore

The campus is huge and many of the buildings have a 60s or 70s look to them. My unsolicited Dad opinion, which I shared as we left Gainesville, was that the school was too big and that he wouldn't love it. I followed it up by saying that he was free to make up his own mind and go wherever he thought was the best fit. I also made a bunch of Tim Tebow jokes to make sure he knew it was still me behind the wheel.

Three days later, we took Damian to visit Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University in Daytona. This time we did get a guided tour and all three of us could tell almost immediately that this looked and felt like a great fit. Damian went one step further and said that he didn't need to visit any other colleges and universities, this was where he was going to school. If given the choice, he would have gladly enrolled that day and skipped the rest of high school. 

11/23-2021 – Damian at Embry-Riddle for a campus tour

While I didn't get to fully experience the joy that is shopping for a college for my son, I did get a taste of it. I am glad that we did this, if even only once. But it also saddens me, because it makes me ponder who Damian was becoming, where he was going to go. And without warning, he and all he was, all he would be, were gone. 

It's been a rough afternoon. 


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