Day #12

Here is a list of the things that I am not:
- Sentimental
- Religious
- Spiritual
- Superstitious

I am a pragmatic person. I am analytical. I believe in the things that I can see, hear, feel, taste and smell. I believe in science and facts. So why is it then that I can't go into my shop? 

Full disclosure: this is where my son died. It's where I found him when I was violently and irrevocably thrust into the after. 

I have not gone into my shop - it's a room in the basement of our house - since that morning. The door has been locked ever since his body was removed and a very close friend took away some artifacts that were inextricably linked to the tragedy. 

As I lay in bed this morning thinking about what I was going to do today, I briefly considered working on the sheetrock repairs I need to make in my home office (also in the basement). The moment I realized that that would require going into my shop, I dismissed it from further consideration. Nope. Not going in there. 

How long is this going to last? I can't not go in there forever. At some point I'm going to have to man up and just go in. Right? Even though I can tell myself it's time to "get back up on the horse" and go in, I'm stopped by a larger, more powerful force that replies, calmly but firmly, "No". The voice does not hesitate; it does not waiver; it does not brook further discussion on the matter. The. Topic. Is. Closed. At least for today. 

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