Day #21

"Do you have any children?" As Damian was an only child I no longer know how to answer this question.

I could say, "Yes" or "Yes, I do." Present tense. This in no way conveys the reality of my situation (i.e., "I did once, but he died)." Worse, this response may likely lead to a series of follow up questions (e.g., "How many?", "How old?", "Boy or girl?"). Questions that I probably won't feel like answering. I could play dumb and just talk about Damian as if he were still alive, but I think that would feel wrong. Disingenuous. 

An alternative would be to say, "I did". Past tense. While technically accurate, this response is likely to create an uncomfortable moment as my interlocutor processes what I've said and comes to understand the meaning of my words (i.e., "I used to have a child but I don't any longer. For you see, that child has died."). Where does the conversation go from there? Someplace awkward in all likelihood. ("Oh my god. I'm so sorry." "Yeah. Me, too.")

A third option is to simply say "No". While incorrect in its implication - that I never did have any children - it avoids the issues with option 1 (disingenuous) and option 2 (awkwardness). But is that really fair to me, my wife, or to Damian? I don't think so. 

Maybe I should have a business cards printed up that that explain this part of my life. ("I used to have a son. His name was Damian. He died on December 11. 2021. He was 15. I loved my son and I miss him every day.") I can hand one to a stranger when they ask me, "Do you have any children?" And then walk away. 


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