Day 6

The first wave of family has arrived. I spent time nesting before they got here. I HAD to do the dishes and HAD to clean off the kitchen counter. Then I HAD to clean out the floor of the pantry. Threw out some open bags of chips and old bottle of Sunny D. It felt important to pick up the house, at least a little, before guests (?) would arrive. 

Up to that point my house looked almost exactly like it did the moment my life shattered into a million pieces. Things that would have normally been put away were still out. Walking in from the outside you may not understand or appreciate why there is a dirty dish on the counter, a box on the floor, mail sitting on the kitchen table. But that's what happens. Everything. Just. Stops. 

It's like that scene in a movie where the protagonist notices a clock, or several clocks, or a watch that is stuck on a specific time. The exact moment that life as we knew it - the 'Before' - stopped. My time was 8:03AM Saturday morning (day #1). That was THE MOMENT. Boom. Bomb goes off. Gun is fired. Ballon is popped. Glass is shattered. 

I didn't realize it at the moment but it came to me later that day: our lives are glass. All it takes is one well placed rock and it is irreversibly broken. All I can do now is try to accept that I'm forever and always going to be in the "After". There is no going back. Ever. 


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