Day #29

Ghosts. I see them now. Not the astral projections of a hapless soul trapped in purgatory, but visions of my son from the before. 

This morning Dawn and I went out for breakfast. The last time we went to this restaurant it was Mother's Day and Damian was with us. As I sat there today I could see the booth we occupied last May as a family, the three of us, and I could see Damian's face as he ordered his latte and crepe. The vision was clear. Like I could walk over to that booth and tell him "hi". 

Later in the day, we went to a high school robotics tournament in which Damian's school team was competing. We went so we could see Damian's former teammates and coach. It was good that we went, but it was strange. Throughout most of the afternoon, as I saw Damian's teammates milling about, my eyes would dart around the gymnasium seeking out my son. My tall, lanky red headed son. The one most likely not wearing a COVID mask. There were times when I could see him - tinkering on the robot, staring at his phone, joking with his friends. All the kinds of stuff he would normally do at a robotic meet. Of course it was all an illusion. It was just what my mind wanted (needed?) to see. 

I'm pretty sure that this will go on for some time, me seeing Damian in the places I go. Visions of him either as vivid memory from our shared past, or as a projection of what I think he would be doing were he still here. In either case, it's these ghosts of him that will haunt me. Not because they are scary, no, but because while they are beautiful, they are not real. 

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