Day 36

One thing that life doesn't prepare you for is "the lasts". As in: "the last time we...." 

The last time Damian and I went sailing together was a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving. We had just taken possession of a new boat; this was our first time taking the boat out after getting her rigged. We had fun but the wind was lighter than we would have liked. But we did have big plans and this was just the start of what was going to be an epic year of travel regattas. Florida, South Carolina, New York - we were going to go everywhere. Never did the thought occur to me that this would be our last time together on a boat. 

The last time Damian and I had a father / son field day was the last day of his summer vacation. That Friday, the 2 of us rented dirt bikes and rode for several hours. It was something we hadn't done in quite some time due to COVID and my recovery from a motorcycle accident in 2019. We had a great day that day. What sticks out is how much faster Damian had gotten than the previous time we had ridden. Where before I would have to stop on the trail every few minutes to let him catch up, now I was riding with the throttle wide open trying to keep up with him. My son was definitely growing up. He was not a boy anymore. Probably too soon to call him a man but not for long. I liked who he was, who he had become. And I had every reason to believe his upward trajectory would continue. 

There are a lot of other "last times" - the last time I yelled at him, the last time he yelled at me, the last time we had dinner together, the last time I hugged him, the last time I told him I was proud of him, the last time I told him I loved him - but there will be no more. No new ones. The "last times" that we had will now and forever always be THE LAST TIME.


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