Day 41

 I’m in New Mexico. Santa Fe to be more precise. Dawn and I flew here this morning. It’s been several years since I was here last -  call it 8. 

The drive from Albuquerque to Santa Fe is awe-inspiring. There are mountain ranges to the right, center and left all connected by sweeping vistas, you can literally see for miles in all directions. It’s beautiful in an austere way, majestic; but the scale of it did make me feel small, insignificant. 

As we were leaving Albuquerque I told Dawn that for the duration of our trip I am going to try to a) relax, b) enjoy myself and c) not feel guilty for doing either (relaxing on having some fun). I did add that I am not likely to be 100% successful, but I am committed to making every effort to do so. The grandeur and beauty of the New Mexican topography that came shortly thereafter already put this to the test. 

As we were taking it all in, my sadness returned.. I think it was because I realized that Damian never had a chance to see anything like this and because I couldn’t share this experience with him. The feelings of insignificance brought on by the majesty of the terrain probably contributed to my discomfort. For what it’s worth, I’m still glad we came. And very thin silver lining. a teeny, tiny part of me was relieved  Damian wasn’t here this afternoon as we explored a bunch of art and clothing shops in downtown Santa Fe. I know for a fact that after the first shop, two at the most, he would have hated it. I can hear him, plain as day, grousing about it being awful. “This is torture.” He is, after all, my son. 

Tomorrow, after enjoying a leisurely breakfast, we go for a Jeep tour into the mountains. I’m looking forward to both. 

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