Day 59

I've received some condolences recently that were a mix of the unexpected and the overdue. What is interesting is how I am reacting to them. I'm noticing that I'm calibrating my response based largely on who is on the other end of the line. 

Last week I received emails from 2 different people expressing their sadness stemming from Damian's death. One was from an life-long friend of my mothers whom I've never met or spoken to. The other from an old colleague that I haven't spoken to in 3 years, maybe longer. I don't have the energy to respond with anything illuminating or reassuring so I've chosen, for now, not to respond. Is that rude of me? I hope not. 

This afternoon, soon after I logged onto a conference bridge, a peer of mine from another company offered his condolences. I don't know what he knows exactly. I don't know who told him - I have an educated guess but that's all - or how much detail he was provided. As he said it, I thanked him and kind of just let it go at that. I didn't see a reason to dwell on it. Didn't seem like the right circumstance to do so. 

Earlier in the day, I received a call from a friend that I hadn't spoken to in several months. I knew he was aware of what happened early on, definitely within the first week. I was surprised that I hadn't heard from him before now. But I wasn't upset by it. I just found it odd that it had hadn't happened sooner. As we spoke, I felt the gravitas of the situation creeping into my tone of voice and could feel the sadness welling up in me. He told me that his daughter, who is the same age as Damian had taken the news quite hard. She and Damian had met for the first time at the end of the summer. I was sorry to hear that. The death of my son bringing about the death of innocence in yet another teen. 

My friend was also taking the news hard. He had endured his own tragedy many years ago and this brought back many of his painful memories and feelings associated with it. And he, too, had just met Damian for the first time after hearing about him for years. As I listened to his explanation, I kind of get why he waited to call. He admitted that he didn't know what to say. I'm ok with that. There isn't anything to say. Not really. 


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