Day 60

I need to find a new hobby. 

I plan to walk away from sailing. At least for awhile. Thinking about being on a boat now is difficult. We introduced Damian to sailing early in his life and he stuck with it to the end. He and I sailed together for fun, we raced together, and we raced against each other often. We've taken several sailing vacations as a family. And we had big plans for 2022 that also revolved around our new boat. The thought of doing any of this without him is painful. So for now I plan to stay on shore. I'll reassess every few days to see if I feel like it's ok to go back out on the water, but I'm not going to force it. It will happen when it happens. In the meantime, I'm going to work on the house, try again to learn how to play my guitar, go mountain biking and maybe dabble in some small (?) woodworking projects. 

I've been daydreaming about building things out of wood for many years. I don't know what's holding me back. Maybe fear of failure or a lack of drive to just get started. Whatever it is, I just need to find a project and do it. No more excuses. 

Damian liked fabricating things. He had a 3D printer which he was always tinkering with. It needed a lot of tinkering. The thing was always "off" in terms of how well it worked. Drove us both crazy but he kept at it. Small bit of irony: He got so good at fixing his own 3D printer that he became the de facto 3D printer repair tech at school. Any time one hiccuped, his teammates on the robotics team would come get him, even if he was the middle of class. 

Damian was also good at computer aided design. And building computers. He always striving to build the world's fastest gaming computer. (Online gaming was another passionate hobby.) He built his first PC when he was around 11. Over the ensuing years, it was upgraded and or rebuilt repeatedly. I'm not sure how much of our money he invested in it, but I probably don't want to know. I assume it was a lot. I do know that Dawn and I were constantly having to pull computer parts and peripherals out of the Amazon shopping cart. During one of my forays into Damian's bedroom, I amassed a collection of after-market keyboard keys that nearly filled an entire quart freezer bag! I think we also have enough 3D printer filament to reach the moon.

I miss all of it: The love of computers and gaming, of fabricating and design, of sailing. All the online shopping. Taken individually, it could be any random teenager. Put them all together and you have my son Damian. 

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