Day 67

Damian was nearly 16 when he died. His birthday is March 23rd; he died on December 11th so 3 1/2 months shy of 'sweet 16'. I mention his age because even after all these years of him being around people still misspell his name. People who, in my opinion, really should know better after this many years. Read: teachers and family members. 

Somewhere in the weeks leading up to Damian's birth I had convinced Dawn that "Damien" was a cool name. It was unique without being weird. (Can I get an "Apple" or a "Moonbeam"!) A condition of Dawn's acceptance of my preferred name for our son - full name "Damian Alexander Beisner" - was that we would spell it "D-a-m-i-a-n" rather than the much more common "D-a-m-i-e-n". Dawn's rationale for doing so was that in case she hated it she could call him "Ian" instead. In an ironic twist, while she did come to like his name she almost always referred to him simply as "D". I on the other hand made a point of always using his proper name or, occasionally, "Kiddo". Shakespeare can choose to call a rose by another name if he wishes to do so, but my son is, was and always will be Damian. End of discussion. 

Little did I realize what kind of problems this simple letter substitution was going to cause. There have been countless times where his name has been (mis) spelled with an "e" rather than an "a". This has been especially problematic with teachers over the years. I have written numerous emails on this subject to teachers correcting them.  If it happened early in the school year, like the first 6 to 10 weeks, I pointed it out and let it go without getting upset. But the farther we got into to the school year, the more irritated I got when it happened. There have been a handful of times where it happened at the very end of the school year. I found these instances to be truly infuriating considering the 10 months of roll calls, homework assignments, tests, etc. all with his name written on them. Really? You don't know after all this time how he spells his name? I didn't mind injecting a little tone into these emails. 

Today, Dawn received a "thinking of you" card from a cousin. The card was very thoughtful and well meant but there it was again in the handwritten words of support - "Damien". Twice! Argh!! Given that this cousin has met Damian only a handful of times, I could let it slide. I tried to do so in fact, but I just can't seem to let it go. Try as I might, it's been eating at me all afternoon. Alas, she is not the only family member to make this mistake. It happened with alarming regularity for many years and then tapered off. Most likely because he stopped getting birthday cards from anyone except his grandparents after he turned 5. 

Throughout my career I've made a point of paying attention to how people spell their names - first and last. Getting it wrong is a cardinal sin in my book especially since it usually doesn't take that long to check. By getting it wrong you are essentially telling someone: "My time is more important that you are" and "I do not pay attention to details". Either interpretation reflects poorly on the author so best to put the in the time to get it right. 

Getting back to Damian, I'm probably even more sensitive to this now that he's gone. This is due to my need to protect and maintain his legacy for as long as I can. That starts with making sure people know how to spell his name. 

It's "D-a-m-i-a-n".