Day 75

The funeral home called today to tell me that Damian's death certificates had come in. I said thank you, hung up the phone, and sat down to collect my thoughts. 

A few minutes prior to receiving the call, I told Dawn that I was having a weird day. She asked me, "How so?" Several times today I had to actively remind myself that Damian was gone. It was like my brain was rebelling against reality, refusing to accept what happened. I didn't have this problem yesterday, or the day before that, and so on. I don't remember the last time I had this feeling. I had it today though, and I couldn't shake it until the call came in about the death certificates. Once I heard those words, my brain gave up the fight. With it came a feeling of defeat or resignation. Whatever it was, it didn't feel good. 

Thinking about it now, all I have to say that the timing seems uncanny. Why today of all days I felt this way only to have the funeral home call to tell me in an oblique way that Damian is (still) dead. In a way the timing was good - I needed to hear it -  but that doesn't mean I'm glad I got the call. 

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