Day 106

Had some close calls today. The perils of being all alone in a big house toiling away on a mindless activity (painting). I traveled back in time - 15 weeks to the day - to 8AM Saturday, December 11, 2021. When I found Damian's body. It's a painful memory for obvious reasons. Later, I was in my shop and remembered where I laid him down. On the cold, cement floor. These memories and images still haunt me and likely will forever. They just haven't been as frequent the last few weeks so they caught me by surprise. I wobbled a little, but didn't fall down. I don't know if not falling down is good or bad at this point. Maybe Andrea will tell me when I see her Monday morning...

When Dawn and I were at Lakeview on Wednesday to hand out donuts to the students and faculty, a couple of the moms of Damian's close friends also came to school that day to see us. They knew it was his birthday and why we were at the school. Scott's mom, Valerie, who we've gotten to know much better since Damian died, gave us a small gift and a card. I hadn't read the card until a few minutes ago. Not that I didn't want to, I'm just somewhat absent minded about these kinds of things. But there it was on the kitchen table staring at me while I ate my dinner - leftover Thai food! - by myself. I remember Dawn telling me that it was pretty special and that I should read it. Here is was it said:

Dear Dawn & Chris, 

Thinking of you on this difficult day and also remembering Damian and trying to smile through the tears. I know I don't need to tell you this because you know, but the kids miss him like crazy. There is no one or no group of people who can fill this void in their lives. Damian was truly one of a kind. His energy, wit and heart are unmatched. I love the silly, goofy stories the kids tell and I want for them to hold on to those always, and I want the same for y'all. 

When I think about Damian, the following come to mind: 

  • Adventurous, Funny, Life of the Party, Loyal, Confident, Wise, Independent, Quiet and also Loud 😃... 

  •  Laptop (briefcase) computer, 3D printers, all-night gaming, sailing, robotics, shoes & designer sunglasses, rockets, rocket fuel, tamales...

...the list goes on. 

Right now, the tears still prevail over the smiles, but I'm hoping (we and) you can find some smiles in the memories. He gave us a lot of great ones. 

Many hugs and much love to you!

Valerie 

I cannot overstate how much these words mean to me. (I believe Dawn felt the same way after reading Valerie's card.) What I want most of all, since I can't have Damian back. is for him to be remembered. Not just by me and Dawn, but by his friends, by our friends and families, by his teachers, his coaches and anyone else he came into contact with. Valerie's card gives me hope that, at least for awhile, this will be true. She clearly knew Damian and knew who he was. And to know that she has such a good impression of him is just icing on a bittersweet cake. 

Damian, 

I don't know why you did what you did and, sadly, I can't undo it, much as I might wish that not to be true. But wherever you are now, I do hope that you have some appreciation for how much you are loved. Not only by me and your mom, but by your friends, their parents and countless others. I will love you until my last breath and then forever more. 

Dad


 

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