Day 85

I feel angry today. Resentful and bitter. Most of it directed toward the sailing club that I have been a member of since 2012. 

When Dawn and I joined the sailing club in 2012, we had just taken a 6 year sabbatical from sailing. We had sold our previous boat in 2006 when Damian was born. Dawn wasn't comfortable having Damian on a sailboat at such a young age. Selling the boat and walking away from sailing wasn't that hard. I knew that we would come back to it eventually and I was super excited to be a dad. When we decided to get back into sailing in 2011 we went all in first buying a used boat and then chartering a boat in the Bahamas for a week. We had a great time. This was Damian's first experience sailing and he loved it. The used boat was in much need of some TLC so we spent almost a full year restoring it. We were turned onto the sailing club one day while shopping for boat parts at West Marine, a marine supply store. After filling out an application and being interviewed by several present and past officers of the club, our membership was approved and we've been members ever since. 

2013 was Damian's first year participating in the club's junior program. He attended two weeks of summer sailing camp. The first week was more about learning how to sail. The second week was a little more intense with lots of drills but also lots of play time. Dawn and I volunteered our time to help manage the junior program, the camps, the training schedules, the finances, etc. It was a family affair. A couple years later, I was asked to serve on the board of governors for the main club which I did from 2016 through 2020. In that time, I was the club Secretary, Vice Commodore, Commodore and Immediate Past Commodore. While I was doing all that, Dawn also volunteered her time helping organize events, decorate the clubhouse, buy food for parties, etc. 

So why am I angry? Because it's been almost three months since Damian died and we haven't heard a word from anyone running the club. Nothing. All three of us have been fixtures at the club for nearly 10 years and no one serving on the board has taken the time to reach out to see how we are doing. To see if there is anything we need. In a couple of weeks, the club will be kicking off the 2022 sailing season with a big dinner party and regatta. No one has inquired if we are planning to attend. Because I have not heard anything to make me believe otherwise, I'm assuming there are no plans to pay tribute to Damian during the event. This would be the proper time to do it since this is the first official club function since his death. I'm left feeling like the current board just wants to move on and pretend like nothing happened. To act like Damian wasn't a part of the club. Given all the sailing that Damian did during the years he was there, all the time that Dawn and I have donated, this is infuriating and insulting.
I told Dawn earlier today that I feel enough resentment over this that I want to terminate our membership. The only thing holding me back is that I like the convenience of being able to use the club as a parking lot when I want to walk the dogs in the adjacent camp ground when it's closed for the winter. 

I'm angry. And bitter. And resentful. Maybe my anger is misplaced. Right now, I don't care if it is. 

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