Day 91

I continue to be surprised. 

At one of the first meetings we had with our grief counselor, Andrea told us that during our journeys with grief some people would disappoint us while others would step up. She went on to say that it's hard to predict who will fall into which camp. Some who we think are close will go radio silent while others who were not close will shine like a lighthouse in the dark. Truer words have never been spoken. I have certainly seen my share of both. 

Today I received an email from a college roommate and close friend of Dawn's. Kelly wanted to know how I was doing and was concerned that no one had been checking on me. I was blown away by her generosity and caring. Other than seeing Kelly the weekend after Damian died, I hadn't spoken to her or had any contact with her in years. To have her think of me and reach out was really touching. It brightened my whole day. 

Earlier in the week I had an uplifting text exchange with a fraternity brother who I've gotten much closer to than I ever thought possible. Tom is older than I am by at least 3 years and we were never close. While we knew each other in passing that was it. Based on my perception of Tom prior to December 11th, I was perfectly content not to talk to him. He can be extremely abrasive to put it mildly. What I've since learned is that Tom has a heart of gold. He has said and has shown that he is willing to bend over backwards to support me. Something I would have never guessed he was capable of doing. Mind blown. I told him as much the other day. "You are a giant asshole when you want to be, but also an amazing friend." Tom replied that he was going to bed with a smile on his face. 

Dawn and I also received an email today from the coach of Damian's school robotics team. Mikhail was reaching out to personally invite us to attend the end-of-season dinner and awards banquet. He stressed that we would be honored guests and that they intend to recognize Damian that evening. How can we say no? Of course we are going to attend. 

There are also the people who I (and we) have leaned on since day 1: John, Kelly, Bridget, Chris, John, Rachel and Andrea. There are others but many of them live farther away so it's harder to lean on them for day to day support. 

There are, of course, also the let downs. Family members who don't call. Institutions that seem to pretend that nothing has happened. But I don't want to dwell on them. I want to stay upbeat and positive. On that note, I can say that while I would give anything to go back to the before with Damian still here, I am grateful for my friends and the love they have shown me and Dawn in the wake of this terrible tragedy.

I love you all dearly and hope that I can someday give back a sliver of what you have so unselfishly given me. 


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