Day 99

Today marks 14 weeks in the After. It's hard to accept that so much time has already gone by but here we are. 

I spent today helping my friend John work on his boat. He's getting the boat ready to have the bottom painted so today was all about preparation which came in the form of sanding. Lots and lots of sanding. Like 5 hours of sanding. Each! It was dusty, hot and monotonous. And I loved every minute of it. I was helping a close friend get through an unenviable task. Could he have done it alone? Yes, but it would have taken a lot longer and been difficult to stay motivated until it was finished. By doing it together, John and I could talk to each other, commiserate in the shared misery of sanding for several hours and just be ourselves. It brings to mind the adage "misery loves company". John thanked me several times for helping him but in all honesty there is no place that I would have rather been today. Except for maybe hanging out with Dawn who I learned later was having a tough day emotionally. 

John was my rock from my first day in the after. He was the first friend to come to the house the morning that Damian died. The first one to hold me as I sobbed uncontrollably, begging the universe to give Damian back to us. He, along with our other rock Bridget, came with us to the funeral home to help Dawn and I get through the arrangements for the visitation and memorial service. He has been here for me so many times I've lost count. Helping him today made me feel good because I was able to repay a tiny bit of his generosity with some of my own. Of course, they don't really compare - his selflessness being at a completely different level given the context of the situations - but they don't need to. John will be a close friend for the rest of my life. When he needs me I'll be there, without hesitation. 

Losing Damian is of course still painful, but the sharp edges have been sanded down some. Helping to make it less painful are the close friends, like John, who been there for me and for us. The ones who love us for who we are. Who will be there for us when we need them. Or don't. Who don't expect anything in return. Investing in these relationships is something I feel compelled to do, more than ever before. I know better understand that having close friends and family that I can share my life and life experiences with is where the real value of my life is, not in my job, house, car, boat or bank account. 


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