Day 149

Today is Mother’s Day. Not surprisingly, Dawn and I did not celebrate the occasion. Instead we elected to spend the weekend with our parents - she with her mom and dad in Iowa, and me in North Carolina with my mom and also my aunt - mom’s sister.  

I know that mom appreciated me being with her this weekend and today. She is by herself most of the time, admittedly mostly by her choice. She recently had to put her cat to sleep so she was going to be totally alone this weekend if I hadn’t come to visit. Yesterday, I took her to Lowes to buy mulch which we then brought home to spread around her front garden. We didn’t get enough the first time, so we repeated the drill this morning. Looks better now. 

Being in mom’s house was mostly ok but it was…painful at times. There are pictures of Damian displayed in different rooms of her house, many of which are accompanied by pictures of Damian’s two cousins, my brother’s sons. Looking at the pictures gave me feelings of “have not” and  “have”. As in, I don’t have my son but my brother has both of his. And my son does not have a future but my nephews do. I don’t begrudge my brother or my nephews for what they have, it’s just seeing it in contrast to what I don’t have is hard to accept. 

It was today anyway. 

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