Day 153

Dawn comes home tomorrow night. I'm relieved that I only have to wait one more day. Clearly we can survive apart from each other but now it's time for us to be together again. I've had enough time apart...

On Saturday we are going to Lakeview's graduation. I have mixed emotions about this. It will be good to celebrate the end of high school for Damian's friends Julia and Bennett – I'm sure that Damian would be going to the graduation himself were he still here – but I also feel like we're hanging on. Or it may be that I worry other people will see it that way, the desperation of two people who can't let go. I know that I shouldn't care what other people think, but a part of me can't turn that off. At least not fully. 

On Sunday we are having lunch with a couple that lost their adult son two or three years ago. We met Michelle and Randall at the first group session we attended about six weeks after Damian died. We texted with Michelle a few times in the days following that first meeting but that was all. Then, on a whim, I text her again a couple of weeks ago to let her know that Dawn and I were doing ok. I think it was the experience of the last group session that we attended that spurred me into action. It felt important to let people know, especially ones that have traveled this same path before us, that we are not simply surviving, living day by day, moment by moment, but are actively leaning into this new life, in search of joy and fulfillment, not afraid to find either. Not surprisingly, Michelle was happy to hear how we were doing and invited us to come spend the afternoon with her and Randall. I'm looking forward to it. This will be the first time that we've hung out socially with members of our new tribe. Not sure where the conversation will go but I feel no anxiety about this either. It will go where it goes. 


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