Day 167

This week would have marked the end of 10th grade for Damian. The last day of school for Lakeview was Tuesday. Had I never left the Before, I would have seen it as another year of high school accomplished. The three of us would probably be going somewhere nice for dinner tonight or tomorrow to celebrate. Here in the After, I am wrapping up a long week of work trying not to dwell too much on what could – should? – have been: two more years of high school and then off to college where the real fun begins. It makes me sad thinking about it now. The promise of an incredible future erased. Gone. 

I'm vulnerable tonight to these darker thoughts. It's been a long couple of weeks of work. As of late this afternoon, the cause for my long hours and late nights is now over. At least for a few days, until the next deadline presents itself. The release of tension and anxiety that comes form getting through, over, or past the present challenge has given my brain the time and permission to roam freely once again. This is where the danger lurks because I am remembering what it pushed it aside in order to concentrate on the task at hand, the feelings of loss replacing thoughts of work tasks and deadlines now met. Nature abhors a vacuum. 

I want a day of sunshine, less work stress and some happy news, but the universe owes me nothing. Tomorrow will bring what tomorrow will bring. All I can control is how I respond. 



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