Day 173

Dear Damian, 

I saw Oma again today but only for a couple of hours. I stopped by her house on my way to Wilson, North Carolina. (I have a work meeting in Wilson tomorrow morning.) It was nice to see Oma again even though it had only been three weeks since my last visit. No changes to report; all is pretty much the same as last time. 

Oh. I don't know if I told you this already, but Oma had to put Decker to sleep. This happened a couple of months ago. He wasn't eating; the vet had found a mass growing in his abdomen. Given his age and deteriorating health, it was for the best. Sad but inevitable. I don't know how many cats Oma has had over the years but it's got to be pushing double digits. I'm pretty sure there won't be any more though. Oma will turn 80 next January so probably no more pets...

Your mom and I went to Lakeview last Monday for the dedication of the memorial bench the school purchased in your memory. The bench is a really cool shade of blue and has a plaque on it that bears your name and the school's robotics logo. You would definitely approve. All your friends were there at the dedication: Bennett, Julia, Garv, Adam, Scott, Miles Emma, Amelia and Lara. I took a picture of them all sitting on the bench at the same time. There is a 100% certainty of some shenanigans being perpetrated by your friends on or near the bench in the years to come. I could see it in their eyes; the knowledge inherent that you would not only condone but encourage said shenanigans.  It was bittersweet of course. Nice that they all came and were remembering you along side of us, but sad that we had to be there in the first place...

I rewrote the charter for the memorial fund that is being set up at the sailing club in your name, The Damian Beisner Memorial Fund. The way it reads now, the monies in the fund will be used to promote keelboat sailing by sailors 18 and under. Your mom and I are confident this is what you would have wanted so it was important to us that we got the wording of the charter correct. It may need some fine tuning still but it's got good bones now. Not sure yet when the fund will be open for business but I'll update you when that happens... 

We are getting closer to our Alaskan adventure. Only 15 days until we leave for Seattle. It should be fun but I'm worried that either our flight will get cancelled causing us to miss the boat or coming down with Covid right before we leave or right after we get on the ship. Hopefully none of that happens but I won't rest easy until we are onboard and feeling good..

Rereading what I've written above, I realize now that this note may strike you as superficial. I don't mean it to be that way. I just don't know what more I can tell you in terms of how I feel about you leaving that I haven't said already. For the record, I hate that you are not here. There is not much that I can add to that other than I love you (always) and miss you (forever). 

Looking forward, your mom and I have chosen to continue to live our lives so that is what we are doing. (Hello Alaska!) Granted they are not the same lives that we had before you left, but we are coming to accept them for what they are. We are (mostly) at peace now but there are still some sad moments where the absence of you pulls us down. I don't tell you this to make you feel bad. I do it because I don't want you to worry about us. Your mom and I will be ok. I have her and she has me. We lean on each other when we need to. 

Speaking of your mom, you would be blown away by her strength and resilience. In the beginning of this ordeal, I was terrified that she was not going to survive losing you, the two of you being so close. Not that she would die physically, but that she would give up entirely on living. I am very relieved and humbled to tell you that is not at all the case. She is really into her job and is getting out with friends regularly. This weekend Mom is going to a pottery class with a new friend on Saturday and then symphony concert with another girlfriend on Sunday. After the initial trauma wore off, I think you dying gave her the inspiration to engage with the outside world in a healthy and fulfilling way. You would be proud of her. I certainly am. 

Ok. Enough jibber jabber for one evening. Get back to doing whatever it is that you do now. I hope that it's something awe inspiring. Maybe someday, if I'm incredibly fortunate, I'll find you out there, somewhere amongst the stars. Until then...

Love, 

Dad




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