Day 178

This Saturday will mark the 6 month anniversary of Damian's death. If I had been asked two or three months ago to predict how I was going to feel in the final week leading up to this day, I'm quite certain that I would have used words like "very sad", "anxious" and "afraid", but that's not where I am emotionally. As least not so far. Maybe I will be later in the week, but I have my doubts. 

Having the benefit of time to inch my way ever forward in terms of accepting what has happened to Damian and, as a result, to me (and Dawn) has no doubt helped. That and the confidence that comes from having survived his birthday at the end of March. A little bruised and battered in the days after perhaps, but not nearly the emotional torture I was expecting. All of this helps me to breathe easier; to use it as a reminder not to get myself worked up to the point where the dread of its inevitable arrival is far worse than the reality of the day. 

Tapping into the experience from Damian's birthday even further, I'd like for Dawn and I to commemorate the day by doing something (or several things) special. One thing I would like to do is go to the skate park and bequeath Damian's custom scooter to some young boy or girl who will (hopefully) appreciate the unexpected gift of a significant equipment upgrade. It will bring me joy if we are are successful. (Damian was into 2-wheeled scootering for a couple of years during which time we made lots of trips to the skate park. I had given him a custom-built scooter as a birthday gift  just before he got out of the sport in favor of building computers.) 

I'm not sure what else we will do to pay tribute to Damian on this half anniversary but we still have time  to come up with ideas. 

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