Day 182

Some days are harder than others. This afternoon has been really rough for Dawn. It started when we popped out at lunch to run some errands. 

Our first stop was the Post Office. After dropping off a package, a guy approached Dawn and asked, "What kind of boat do you have?" He had seen the nautical-themed vanity plate on Dawn's car along with the bumper magnet with the sailing club's name and logo. Caught off guard, Dawn didn't know how to answer other than to say that we were between boats now but that I had sailed on a Melges 24 last year. (It's a type of racing sailboat.) With the benefit of a few minutes to process the exchange Dawn told me that she wished she had told the guy that Damian had been the skipper of Pyg. 

This has been eating at Dawn ever since. She's feels guilty for not thinking of Damian in the moment. I understand the feeling but can also see the logic of why she responded the way she did. She was caught off guard by someone she didn't know wanting to discuss a subject that had no relation to the current setting. It's easy to get tongue-tied in a situation like this. It's happened to me lots of times. But knowing this is of little consolation when you're hurting. 

There have been a lot of tears this afternoon. Sobbing even. I've provided what little comfort I can, but in these moments I know from first hand experience that time and sleep are the best remedies. I'm worried, however, that neither will take the sting out of tomorrow – the 6th month anniversary of when we were kicked out of the Before and thrown against our will into the After.  

I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring, but it's likely to be emotionally charged for both of us. I've been reminding myself throughout today that tomorrow is just "another day". I can still feel it though, the weight of it. Seems strange given that it's just an arbitrary date on a calendar but knowing what it signifies has an emotional pull that I can't deny. Or avoid. 

It's coming: 8:03 AM tomorrow morning, the moment my (our) life shattered like glass. 

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