Day 283

I went into the office today. Saw some people I hadn't seen in a long time. Had some good conversations, but one stands apart from the rest. 

Michelle and I haven't always seen eye-to-eye. Not sure why, but there's always been kind of an antagonistic vibe floating in the air when we're around each other. It could be that I'm imagining it, but I don't think so. Anyway, she was walking past my office late this afternoon and stopped when she saw me. We said hello and I asked her how her summer was and if she had gone anywhere. She told me about her children, one in college the other in high school, both seniors. She asked me how I am – ok – and how Dawn is. Up and down, I told her. It was at this point that I just went all in and told her how difficult it's been at times, struggling to make sense out of what had happened. How some days can still knock us – mostly Dawn at this point – for a loop. Sometimes we see it coming; other times not so much. I told her how I had lost all sense of my life's direction in the weeks and months following Damian's death. I laid it all out there. 

To Michelle's credit she didn't shy away from it. She did what most compassionate people do, she tried to find the words to express how sorry she was for both Dawn and I. Ultimately, she acknowledged that there was nothing she could say that was going to make it any easier, but she did offer up that she thinks about us – all 3 of us – quite often. She told me that she has a picture of Damian in her office that she looks at it often. Hearing this meant so much. As I've written about several times, preserving Damian's memory is of paramount importance to me. Knowing that he is being thought of by people other than Dawn and I is a precious gift. Something that I will cherish. 

I applaud Michelle for her courage and her compassion. Many of the people I knew from the Before have chosen to disappear from my life rather than face me and acknowledge this very sad burden I know bear. Michelle could have chosen the same path but she did not. And that means the world to me. 

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